When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize