margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
