You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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