my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
