Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
