Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
