Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
