I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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