What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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