I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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