I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize