Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
