This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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