My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
