Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
