I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
