your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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