I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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