I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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