Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so let's talk penis.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
