I think I died a long time ago.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
