i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
