and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
