Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
