Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
