Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize