I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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