Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
