Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
