So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
