Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
