dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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