How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
