he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
