My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize