So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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