careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
