he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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