who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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