You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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