LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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