then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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