Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
