Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize