I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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