I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
