she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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