I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize