Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize