i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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