By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
