we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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