just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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