She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i believe in u and ur pee
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
