I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
