Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I party with great urgency now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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