I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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