i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
