some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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