I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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