Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
