So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
