new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
