so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
