hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm passing your future prison.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
