im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
