I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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