If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I want to fling myself into the sun
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
